Why this course? Is it for me?
- you carried him/her in a sling, OR
- fed him/her on cue/on demand, OR
- maybe shared sleep with them, OR
- had your baby close as much as possible?
Do you ever wonder where those days gone? The love is still there… and do you find that some days it’s overshadowed by stress and angst of :
- ‘I will not eat the veggies’
- ‘I want to stay at the playground a bit more!!!!’ (when you’ve stayed on long enough already and are worried about a potential meltdown due potentially to missing lunch and the nap)
- ‘I will NOT go to bed’
- ‘I hate napping”
… and, potentially, occasional meltdowns and tantrums on top of that?
… and perhaps, with a healthy helping of siblings fighting, biting, pulling each others’ hair – ‘he started first‘ – ‘no it’s mine’ – ‘I hate her!’?
Do you wonder where they got it from – surely this is not what you ever showed them?
…and perhaps with older kids:
- ‘I have to finish this next game level, just a bit more! I’ll catch up on homework later’
- ‘I want to watch this programme, everyone at school does’
- ‘I want to have Facebook account, all my friends do’
- ‘I want to go play over there, pleeeease’ (when you already said it was not safe!)
…and what else is it for you that your kids say or do that drives you up the wall on a bad day? And do you sometimes end up shouting at them – after, perhaps, you were patient for days and tried everything else first?
Perhaps, it’s not your kids but well meaning relatives, some friends or even strangers who annoy you with their comments about your ‘spoiling the kids?’ or such? When actually you may think they do not help your kids when, say, they take your kids out for fast food. This may be despite your desire for your kids to grow up with healthy food and healthy eating habits. And perhaps this despite your real worry over the health concerns that run in your family and can be alleviated with healthy eating.
And to top up everything else, do you sometimes have disagreements with your spouse how things should be handled with the kids? Do you ever end up frustrated, upset or thinking that it’s like banging your head on brick wall – and you still can’t get through?
Perhaps, you deal with it day in, day out, and you feel like you are constantly on the go and on call, looking after everyone, maybe juggling work and parenthood? Do you sometimes feel dreadfully exhausted? Do you ever feel like crawling under a rock or somewhere peaceful and quiet for a day or two…or longer?
What’s in it for me?
- to benefit from it too and bring back more moments of sweet connection with your older child? The moments that you had with your baby in a sling, feeling like a SuperMom (or SuperDad)? Or the moments of sheer love when you gazed into your baby eyes during those peaceful feeding times
- to have ways to nurture and grow that connection and love for years to come, from toddlers to tweens to teens
- to build your toolkit for dealing with tantrums, meltdowns and siblings fights
- to have a practical and easy to use tool kit you can get out any time when that urge to shout strikes
- to bring back balance and self care into you life – so that everyone gets more of you, yourself included!
- to get skills to handle unwanted advice and disagreements in the family with respect and care for what’s important for everyone, yourself included – so that everyone wins
- learn and practise ways to deal with your child’s ‘No’ (be it veggies, naptime or brushing teeth) via a proven method for finding win-win solutions. It is respectful and gentle yet effective – for your child, yourself and others involved
- model those things to your kids and give them skills for life
- and much more
Here is a story of NVC used in the “tug of war” with two small children.
(Catherine attended an NVC/Compassionate Communication Course for Parents with Olga in 2012 and 2nd level NVC Course in 2013)
Hi my name is Catherine and I am a mother of 3 young children. I also work as an accountant 4 days a week.
Why did you decide to attend an NVC course?
Our house is very loud and used to feel aggressive. I worried that my children would be scared by the shouting and then later thinking it was normal add to the noise. As the we had more children and they got older the house became louder and louder.
How did you discover Olga’s NVC courses?
As I learnt about attachment parenting, Marshall Rosenberg’s book was recommended to me. I loved the book but struggled to put his ideas into practice. I jumped at the chance to learn from Olga how to apply NVC when the opportunity was offered to me.
What have you got from your NVC course?
I don’t know if I can communicate effectively what an improvement NVC has made to my life (and by extension my family’s life)
I no longer take offence from people communicating their feelings, there is still shouting and noise but it’s not as extreme or as aggressive. I feel like I am finally modelling the behavior I would like my children to follow and discussions with my husband are so much more constructive and understanding.
At work I can give much more empathy and even if some of my work relationships have not improved I no longer lose any sleep over it.
I found Olga’s workshops excellent and among the best courses I have attended (through my work I attend a lot of courses). I would highly recommend them to everyone.
You can see more testimonials here.
These include some from a PhD and university lecturer (Mom of three), and from a Babywearing Consultant and community leader (Mom of three).
We’d be DELIGHTED if you join us on the NVC course and explore and discover this for yourself.
Who is the trainer for this course?
This is a unique opportunity to do this course with a Center for Nonviolent Communication Certified Trainer , Olga Nguyen (GCMA, MSc), whilst Olga is in Malaysia.
Olga is also a Mum of two children (aged 6 and 11). She has used NVC in her family and work for nearly ten years now (including with young children – 0-5 years old). Olga shared NVC for eight years and counting.
Here’s Olga’s story.
It is thanks to my children and husband that I learnt NVC – and have had numerous opportunities to practice it!
When I had my baby, I wanted the best for her. As I am sure we all do :). I followed her cues and my heart, and for our family it looked like co-sleeping, feeding her on cue, carrying her in a sling or in my arms. This was SO NOT what I set out to do before I had a baby and it was so sweet – such a bliss – with all the cuddles and a squishy baby! I felt on the top of the world as a Mom. And I needed it, especially with a rocky start to our life together: an unexpectedly traumatic birth, baby’s nursing strike, my body taking a long time to recover and being sick for a while. Then my sweet baby turned into a toddler, doing everything that many toddlers do, with occasional bit of kicking and screaming and BITING thrown in.
It was the first unexpected BITE that got me. What was it for you – do you remember? I can still recall the clamping down of the sharp teeth and excruciating pain on a sensitive spot. To my own disbelief, in a split second I found myself SHOUTING at her, getting out of the room, slamming the door and leaving her there with my husband (who was there, luckily).
I thought myself a very peaceful person before I had a baby – and I had never shouted before! I did not enjoy being shouted as a child – I could remember how it felt (as a kid, I felt so small, scared, lonely and powerless when shouted at). And I also believed that so many of my issues that I struggled with, lack of confidence, not being able to stick up for myself, being “nice” to others but not to myself, came from my childhood, too. Anger management issues, me?
I was completely devastated when the first fury or anger passed. The shock, the horror, the shame that I felt! I did not want to do it to someone else, especially NOT my own child, who I love so much! Yet, I was doing it! I was determined to find a different way, especially that, whilst this one was the first, it was not the last. Does any of it resonate for you?
Luckily, at the time, I was a part of a community at TBW.com, with a lot of our babies getting to the same stage. TBW Founder, in Australia, Jennifer Norton (PhD), mentioned Marshall Rosenberg book. I am still very grateful for that – thank you Jenni if you are ever reading this. I trusted Jenni and read the book… and WOW, I was really keen to use it to do something about my anger and tendency to shout. I tried that, using the book – and hit so many problems that I was really disenheartened.
Yet, I knew inside that NVC could really help me. By then, I read many, many books YET all this knowledge was not making much difference when the urge to scream would strike. If anything, all that reading made me feel worse because I knew more about the consequences of the shouting for my child. Can you relate to this?
Hearing about others (via NVC parenting group online) successes with it after the NVC training, I finally managed to get myself to an NVC training with CNVC CT. I wanted to do the training on anger first. But “NVC and Anger” was an intermediate level, so I had to do Foundation level training first. WHOA, what a difference it made for me and my family!
I wish I had done it earlier (my daughter was 2.5 years old at the time)!!! It was worth every penny I paid (and money was astruggle for us at the time). And what an investment it was in my family life, for YEARS to come! Lots of really difficult things happened to me since then, in life, work and business, and I so credit NVC for being able to work through them in a peaceful way that looked after myself AND the others.
One example that is really big for me is the kind of birth that I had with my 2nd daughter. This was after a really traumatic first one and after my trying to recover from it. With NVC, I was able to work through my fears and worries and “leftovers” from the first birth (and that work continued through my 2nd pregnancy). I am grateful to the other NVC trainers and colleagues and friends who lent me their skills when I needed something extra. I had a really different experience 2nd time around and am so grateful for it! NVC (along with other things) helped me to stay calm and grounded during my pregnancy and in labour and when giving birth. Peaceful, natural, healthy birth, and much more energy and health afterwards vs my 1st birth. I am really grateful that I had all of that for my baby, my family and my older child, such a gift.
Throughout these years, so many people at the parenting groups that I went to (see the video above about what I did at some of them 🙂 ) as well as my friends would ask me how I was doing it with my child(ren). They wanted me to share the secrets. So, by popular demand, I did my first NVC talk for the interested fellow mommies in our breastfeeding support group. Once again, straight away, I hit so many obstacles sharing NVC without having trained to do that.
Luckily, I realised fast I did not have the skills yet (before I put off too many people off NVC 🙂 )! So I went and did more learning (including “train the trainer” type). This included going through CNVC Certification Process. I did it whilst still feeding and carrying my 2nd child – she came over with me and my husband. We stayed at the hotel near the assessment venue. And I’d reunite with them after the day of assessment would be over, for feeding and cuddles.
Is NVC a magic wand? Has learning it meant that suddenly, no problems and challenges would happen to me any more? Well, my life still continued, warts and all, with the kids doing the things that kids do. So I have had lots opportunities to keep practising those skills (and having fun with them) day by day. And the difference from where I was without NVC is enormous, even if it is not the charmed life I may live :).
This is why I am passionate to share NVC – and I’d love for you to have the access to these AMAZING skills too.
What will we do at the course? What will be covered?
- how to find your way back to calm and peace, including dealing with wanting to scream (or slam that door!) when your child or others scream
- how to help others to get back to calm in the eye of the storm – dealing with tantrums, meltdowns or others’ shouting etc
- how to make sure everyone wins and important things get taken care of – when hearing “no” (your child’s, others’, yours 🙂 )
- how to find a peaceful, loving, respectful way for EVERYONE to win in those dreaded arguments about gadgets or fast food or how far your child can go to play (insert what it is in YOUR life)?
- how to handle unwanted advice in an assertive yet peaceful way
- how to strengthen, or put self-care back in your life
- as a BONUS!!! bite-sized chunks of neurobiological research on how this way to deal with daily storms helps your child’s emotional intelligence and optimal brain development
How will we do it?
- digestible pieces of explanations and theory (more can be provided if you ask)
- practice step-by step exercises in the whole group and in pairs, with the trainer’s coaching and support
- some amazing NVC tools to use during the course (NVC cards, visual aids etc)
- learning exercises for creating peace and calm in the eye of the storm (a gift for life!)
- and much, much more!
Where is it?
By popular demand, we are very lucky to have Baby Ultra at Bangi Gateway Shopping Mall (Bangi, Selangor) to host this course! Thank you so much Dr Izam Suziani and colleagues!
My past course participants at Baby Ultra loved this venue because of:
- its extra play space outside the training room (for those who want to bring a carer and a baby or a toddler for a part or all of the course)
- the shop
- the snacks
- enough parking
- the Mall!
- and first and foremost, Dr Izam’s and colleagues hospitality!
When is it?
The weekend of 12-13 March. This is to include those of us who work outside our homes during part or all of the week, and those who are busy looking after their families during the week and find it easier to get childcare during the weekend.
I want to join this course (click here)!
How much is it?
To invest in those skills for life, the usual cost of such course can be 900-1200RM. The cost of equivalent of the course hours of NVC support or learning one to one with Olga would be 4200RM!!
At the same time, imagining extra costs you have already looking after your child, as well as taking into account the exchange rates and the economy, just for this first course at Baby Ultra in Malaysia, we’d love to offer you a deal… so that you get more ease and peace in daily life, soon.
So here are some discounted options, to make it doable for YOU (book them fast before they are GONE):
1) Early Bird (EB) rate, paid in TWO installments or in full: 150RM at the time of booking for bookings made BEFORE 11:59pm 16 FEB; 500RM BEFORE 11:59pm 1 March 2016
2) “TWO together EB” – for bookings made before 16 Feb: 1100RM for TWO*. Payable as: RM300 (TWO deposits) paid on registration, for bookings made BEFORE 16 Feb (please provide BOTH names on booking form), RM800 BEFORE 11:59pm 1 March 2016.
*RM550 EACH pax/ with ONE registration form with TWO names and ONE set of deposits and ONE set of remaining payments. EB rate applies for ANY separate payments or bookings, see above.
3) “EB THREE instalments” – for bookings made before 16 Feb: 750RM total, payable as: 1) 150RM non-refundable reg. fee payable on booking/BEFORE 11:59pm SUN 21 FEB; 2) 300RM by 28 Feb latest 3) 300RM by 5 March latest
What if I submit a booking form and do not make a deposit payment?
We hold the space for you for three days between your registering and your deposit reaching us.
After that, for ease for us and fairness for potential course participants, given limited spaces, the spaces would be allocated on first come-first-served basis for bookings made (the registration form+deposit+email to Dr Izam Suziani with the receipt to confirm the deposit).
What if I want to book LATE?
We understand that sometimes, flexibility can be so important – and sometimes it is hard to know day to day what the day a few weeks away will be like. So IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT we may have any spaces left, we may offer a few options for booking later (if the form is open, you know we have spaces):
4) STANDARD rate: 850RM for bookings made (registration forms submitted+deposit/registration paid) between 22 Feb and 29 Feb
5) LATE BIRD rate RM900 payable for bookings made (registration forms submitted+deposit/registration paid) BETWEEN 1 March and 10 March.
Why standard rate and late bird rate?
We can offer lower rates earlier as a way to say thank you for earlier bookings that are easier for us to process, help us confirm the workshop, and help us in funding the workshop expenses. With the standard and late bird rates, whilst still giving flexibility to the participants, there is more work involved for us with registration and booking, less time available to reply to any queries, and the rates reflect the intensity of this extra work closer to the course.
How to reserve my space?
Step 1 Fill out a registration form
Step 2 ASAP or within THREE days, pay a non-refundable registration fee of 150RM
Step 3 Once did the reg.form and the deposit payment, email the organisers at email@example.com – see below for details – with the receipt of your payment to confirm the space)
Payment details are in the registration form below.
How do I pay?
Kindly submit payment to Maybank 562834633895 BABY ULTRA ENT. Email notification to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!
BONUS!!! GIFT WORTH 180 RM
We are invested in your success, so we’d love to offer you as a BONUS, at no extra cost, after the end of the course, a group support Q&A session with Olga over Zoom (Olga finds it easier to use than Skype and great for group video calls, with reliable enough connection; you can dial in from your phone or video call from your mobile from the convenience of your own home). This is a gift worth 180RM.
And to give you even more peace of mind, we offer you money-back guarantee (what you paid minus registration fee 150RM, that covers registration costs and venue costs). If you are not satisfied at the end of the course with what you received, we will refund you the money and suggest other avenues of learning if you want suggestions.
We’d be delighted for you to join us and get those skills for life, for you and your family. So we recommend to book EARLY to make sure you have your space. As the spaces are limited, to make sure that everyone on the course gets enough support and attention from the trainer.
Q: Does it mean that I will be a master of Nonviolent Communication after the course?
A: This is a two-day course, and at the end of it, you would get a solid introductory set of skills that you can take and practice at home. When you learnt a new skill (e.g. knitting or crocheting or woodwork etc), did you find that more you kept practicing, more easily and quickly you could do it? The same applies to learning languages: more you practice and apply what you learnt, easier it comes to you and happier you may be with the results. Nonviolent Communication skills are like that too.
Also, in this course we would focus on one particular area of Nonviolent Communication: being able to understand what’s important for us and others in the situation, and to put it into words, and try and find a way forward with this. This will give you an introduction to the skills, from which you can go on to learn more (in other courses, trainings, and group or individual practice).
So in short, you won’t have the same level of skills after a two-day training as you would have after four days, or fifty days of trainings AND I am hopeful that even after two-day training, you would have the skills to bring more ease and peace to your family life!
Q: Can I bring my children with me?
A: Babies-in-arms are welcome. My best guess about older babies (from crawling/cruising/becoming independently mobile age) and children is that it may be challenging to both be able to look after an older baby or child and get enough out of the course. A lot of the course are hands-on, practical activities and exercises that are effective for learning the skills. So to get enough out of the course, it helps to be able take part, which may be tricky whilst being a sole caregiver to an independently mobile baby or a child. I also would be a bit concerned whether an older child may get really bored or frustrated if they are at the course for most of the day. Having said that, many people who have older babies or children have done this course with someone else looking after the child. And then the parent and the child would reunite for the breaks. If this would make it difficult for you to attend the course, please get in touch with the course organisers.