What is NVC? NVC for parents? Resources and links…

books howthI was asked about my favourite resources that give you an idea of ‘whats’ and ‘whys’ of Nonviolent Communication (NVC, Compassionate Communication) for parents, children and families. Here are a few that I really enjoy, for the reasons of clarity, simplicity and real-life examples being part of some of them.

I want to say that in my experience, the written materials/videos do help to further one’s understanding of NVC/learning of NVC AND also, if you’re finding implementing those simple-sounding principles into your life tricky, I’d encourage you to find ways to learn it in a one-to-one or group setting with a support from experienced NVC practitioner/facilitator. In my experience (and with what I observe in other people’s learning NVC), reading books, watching videos, listening to podcasts really helped up to a point, and based on that, practicing NVC, getting support, feedback and guidance on that during a course or practice group or empathy exchange was where the transformation of my habitual patterns really happened! In short, what I’m saying that these links and resources are more ‘whats’ and ‘whys’ of NVC, rather than ‘how-tos’ :)!


If you enjoy reading, I really love these articles by Inbal Kashtan at Natural Child Project. They both give general idea of NVC and parenting AND also offer some examples, and further resources to explore. I feel deep appreciation and gratitude thinking of Inbal as I have benefited a LOT from Partnership Parenting Peer Leadership Programme at Bay NVC designed (and led for the first years) by Inbal. And also I think she is one of the founders of (and definitely first active posters on) NVC Parenting Yahoo Group, which has provided support for so many people. So, here are the articles – all by Inbal Kashtan…

Grabbing Our Way to Peace: Responding to Tugs of War and Other Battles of Daily Life

Meeting Long-Term Needs: Parenting with Empathy, Expression, and Self-Empathy

Compassionate Connection Attachment Parenting and Nonviolent Communication

Down the Slide, or Up the Anger Escalator?


If you prefer videos, here are a few…

I LOVE this video, as it features the interview with Yannai Kashtan, Inbal Kashtan’s son, and his telling how it has been for him to be parented with NVC. I remember feeling warm and touched watching it and hearing his recollections and inspired once again to keep walking this NVC path with my children :).  Conflict Hotline – June ’11 (2 of 4), Parenting II .

If you like this one, I’d suggest checking out other Bay NVC/Miki Kashtan’s videos on parenting as they also feature roleplays/specific examples that many find helpful.

Below are a few short talks by Victoria Kindle and Sura Hart of Kindle-Hart Communication/No Fault Zone . Their ‘Respectful Parents Respectful Kids’ is probably the most frequently borrowed book in my parenting/NVC books lending library.

NVC cardsMy special reason for loving this book is the pictorial Feelings and Needs cards that are at the back of the book helped me and my older daughter (from her 3-4 years’ old onwards) to figure out so many tricky situations, debrief and reconnect, and work out some win-win solutions. I have a vivid memory of a car journey that turned out to be seven hours, and with everyone in the car feeling extremely miserable and upset, and M crying and not talking to me. Then when we arrived home, the cards were one of the first things that we have reached for, and after asking my daughter if she wanted to look at the ‘wishes and needs’, I used them to guess her needs. At some point, after she felt heard, she NVC cards2relaxed and sighed a large sigh of relief and we reached out to hug each other.  After that, the cards have been with us on many trips and outings, to help us connect and reconnect :).

So here are a few videos:

Parenting Tip to Learn Together as You Go

Key to Understanding Children’s Behavior – Universal Needs!

The Benefits of ‘A Language of Respect’ for Parents & Children

Create Safety, Trust and Belonging at Home for Children to Thrive

Why it is Important to Put Parents’ Needs First…

I hope some of this helps. And if you decide that you’d like to explore NVC further, do check out all-ages retreats and courses that I offer. Or get in touch with me at hearttoheartconnection @gmail.com (delete spaces) to bring a course to an area close to you.

P.S. I hope that if you are the author of the above, you are happy with me linking to your work – and if you are not happy, would you be willing to get in touch with me at hearttoheartconnection @ gmail.com (please delete spaces) :)?

P.P.S. The books photo has some books in it from my lending library, visiting my Compassionate Communication Course in Dublin, Howth in June 2012 (stay tuned for this lost blogpost to come back on :)!). The photo of the Feelings/Needs cards has a picture of smaller deck of black-and-white pictorial cards in the middle… the yellow and red cards with words are a full deck of ‘word’ cards (not included in the book – got them from No-Fault Zone website).

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